First Off, I would like to give a FAIR WARNING to all the Accutane haters out there, I'M SORRY PEOPLE- There are always TWO sides to the story and I have GOOD things so say about this drug. There may be a HUGE laundry list of terrible side effects, but Accutane changed MY LIFE for the better and everyone deserves to hear both sides of the story...
I'll never forget the Year 2000, walking passed the "Commons" area in my highschool, Sophmore year. I was so embarrassed that my face had suddenly turned into a freakish pizza-like nightmare and all I wanted to do was avoid seeing people face to face. I had just gotten back from a trip to Aruba and the sun had sparked what would be YEARS of full-blown, nasty, red, cystic acne. It was by FAR the most depressing time of my life. My body was changing, my hormones were crazy and all I wanted was for a cool- older boy to LIKE ME.
I had a lot of friends in high school, I was always open to meeting new people & having a good time with friends. I was a leader, smart, athletic, bold, loud and liked to make people laugh.... but suddenly my confidence was slaughtered by my painful ugly skin condition, acne. My whole world came tumbling down and my parents saw how I changed from a happy-go-lucky cheerleader, to a sad quiet teenager who absolutely hated her OWN SKIN. My Mom took me to a dermatologist and they picked my face once a month, gave me a bunch of harsh topical medications and although is got much WORSE before it got better- my skin seemed to clear A LITTLE BIT. After spending tons of money and still picking my face almost every day, I got fed up- I asked my dermo if there was ANYTHING else I could take to calm the monsters forming on my skin everyday. He put me on an anti-biotic that I stayed on for 3 YEARS...
Either I grew out of the hormonal teenage acne spell or the antibiotics worked because I went off to college more confident and less pimpley. Although I would break-out here and there, my face had gotten much better than my high school days. College was an amazing ride, but little did I know that something was about to come back into my life. I got my first REAL BIG-GIRL job at an advertising agency in NY, age 23.
Advertising is a fast-paced, no mistakes allowed, multi-tasking, crazy world with not so great pay... that was my new environment. I don't really know if it was my hormones again or my body just had a terrible way of dealing with stress, but within 3 months of taking on this awesome-yet crazy stressful job, my face turned back into a monster. I had a new pimple every day, spent 20 minutes every morning picking and covering them up... I hated my own face again and would avoid looking at it as much as possible! Luckily at this point in my life I had meant my boyfriend, Kyle (who is now my fiance). He was extremely supportive through-out my days of crying that "I hate my face" or " I cant see you tonight... my face is oozing." I know... disgusting, right? That was me... gross, pimply mess at 23 years old. I was told that when you have acne as an adult, it is from your hormones, so I took over 4 different kinds of birth control to see if it would help because I couldn't imagine going back on antibiotics again...it didn't work, nothing worked.
I went back to the dermo and told them I need to go back on antibiotics cause the DEVIL that is acne was back... the doctor took ONE look at me and said, "This is your hormones honey, you have adult cystic acne and the only thing that will help you is a drug called ACCUTANE." She told me I would have to be on two kinds of birth control in order to be on the drug, that there are many sides affects... that I would need to have a blood test and a urine test once a MONTH for 6 months while taking this drug. She gave me a pamphlet to educate myself on what I was getting myself into and I had to join the "IPledge" program. The program was basically a way for the dermo to make sure I did not get pregnant on this drug because the side effects are THAT bad. I even had to take an ONLINE quizz once a month about Sex/Accutane's side affects and remind them I was following the "rules" of taking Accutane.
Yes, this drug is SERIOUS- the side effects include dry mouth, dry lips/eyes, changes in eye sight, depression, stomach issues, head aches, liver damage (can't drink on this drug) and MANY more... but it was my last option and I was SICK of living in shame. For those of you who never had acne, I would describe it as a soul-eating facial disease that can truly make a person hate themselves. It's HORRIBLE, painful, ugly and there is no cure.
My best friend's boyfriend, Tom, had taken Accutane and told me it really worked for him, between seeing how great his face looked and hearing the doctor say Accutane WILL WORK FOR YOU, I made the decision to take the risk and go on Accutane. Remember, there is NO CURE for acne, so all my life I heard from doctors, "this may work for you otherwise we'll try this." I was sick of trying drugs, creams, gels and the doctor seemed SO confident that Accutane would work for me. Was it a scam? Do dermos make more money getting people on Accutane? Who knows... all I know is that my friend Tom and that doctor, where two people who helped me CHANGE MY LIFE- for the better & I will never forget it.
Within 3 months of being on Accutane my skin started to change. I had a pinkish glow and maybe 1 or 2 pimples at a time instead of 10-16. I had dry lips and head aches here and there, but my bloodwork came back normal every month. My night vision definitely changed a bit while being on the drug, but that was the extent of my side effects. Six months of no drinking, blood tests, urine tests, ipledge quizzes & doctor visits actually went way quicker than I thought...
After all the effort and risk... 6 months had passed and my SKIN WAS CLEAR, NOT ONE PIMPLE, NOT ONE SCAR, NOTHING.... just beautiful, clear, happy skin. I cried to my boyfriend that I never really believed it would work for me and it DID. He told me that my personality started to change within just 4 months of being on the medication, I wasn't complaining as often and I seemed happier-healthier-confident. Accutane changed my LIFE.
Here I am today, 2 years after being on Accutane and my skin is STILL clear. I used to avoid taking pictures, now I have albums and albums of memories with my friends- with my clear skin. I'm looking forward to getting married and having pictures I can look at and be happy to see the REAL me, not the sad acne-prone teenager/adult I know well. I will never forget the pain I felt due to acne, both physically and mentally.... but most of all I will NEVER forget my supportive friends/fam/BF.... the doctor who told me to take Accutane and the drug itself... that changed my life. I found ME again because of Accutane. I may sound shallow for expressing how much acne hurt my ego, but anyone who has acne knows the detrimental effects.
So... I know there are some terrible stories out there about this drug and I wouldn't recommend it to just anyone. There are questions you have to answer before taking a drug like Accutane (like history of depression and such), but if you CAN take Accutane and are willing to take the RISKS, I can tell you one thing, IT WORKS.
P.S- The picture at the top was taken 1 month after being finished with Accutane. (I am wearing the blue dress)
