If you like to laugh, you'll like this post. I'm just being honest. Don't cry about it. If you know what my voice sounds like when I'm annoyed... you'll really enjoy this post.
Today is an ode to PEOPLE THAT SUCK (I'm guilty of being this way) and you probably are too.
I wrote up a few of these lists in college, but every so often, I feel the need to update it and change my tone. Let's face it, I was an asshole in college and probably still an asshole, but a little less ignorant. ;)
1) I Drive Like it's Sunday, EVERYDAY-
Listen up turtle-driver (in the PASSING lane), it's a called the passing lane FOR A REASON. If you aren't on your way to work or a fire... GET OUT OF MY WAY. All the normal people who have to be somewhere, will appreciate it. This complaint has not changed with my age. Even when I am on time, I can't HANDLE getting stuck in the passing lane when all this SLOW MO needs to do is go to the proper lane...you know, the slow person lane.
2) Chronic Commenter on Facebook -
I'm sorry, but if I see your comment on every person's status on my newsfeed and comment on my status almost every time I write one, you need find something better to do with your time. I'm not that interesting and neither are the other people in my newsfeed!?
3) The Infamous "K" Replier-
I don't know about you, but 'K' makes me want to stab my eyeballs out. I understand why we abbreviate, it makes sense for words like MESSAGE or when you are tweeting something in that annoying 140 character box on Twitter. Let's face it, if you feel the need to remove the O from O-K, you suck.
4) Dumb Questions Galore-
I desperately want to understand why people tend to ask stupid questions, when it's literally a click away. There's this thing called GOOGLE, it's been around for quite some time now, it literally answers every stupid question you could THINK of. Type it in, get the answer... faster than your dumb mouth can say it. Use it or lose it sister. (Ps- I do this ALL the time).
5) Smelly Office Person-
We all have them. "Hey Buddy... want some gum? a little perfume? how about some shampoo? air freshener?" It's totally complicated and not ok to tell someone they smell right? What I really want to understand.... How do you NOT smell yourself? There's probably science behind it, I guess I'll have to use that good old search engine that has all the friggin answers...
6) GET THE LAST WORD IN, GUY-
Listen Guy, WAIT...Was I even talking to you? Nope.
7) I went to the diner, I sat by the window, the window was dirty, I had eggs, here's what my eggs looked liked...
We don't need a play-by-play of your life on social, no one gives a shit, not even your crazy Aunt Milly.
8) FUN SUCKER- (Adjective)-
Person who ALWAYS brings up the negative, doesn't like the music at the place we picked, complains about money at a special occasion, sits in the same seat all night and doesn't talk to anyone at a social event. Synonyms: Negative Nancy, Debbie Downer, boring. Please stop sucking the life out of me. If you don't want to have fun, YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US!
9) Mooch Magee-
You know, the person who comes to an event empty handed, depends on everyone else to pay the bill, never has enough to pay for their portion... (forgot my wallet again!?) Mr. or Miss "I owe ya one." That person that constantly takes advantage of the people around them and then COMPLAINS they don't have money?! Get a job NOW... I don't care if you work at McDonalds, pick up garbage, clean someone's house or swipe at the grocery store. A job is an honest job... get one and STFU.
10) I try way to hard to be liked-
Could be a guy or a girl, but from experience... I have caught many girls in this situation (girl, not woman). This is definitely more of an age thing. The young chick who makes-out with her girl-friends for show, does a body shot at a family resort bar.... Hey, I can see your vagina in that shirt babe! As a male or female, I've seen a few of these types makes up 'inside jokes' that everyone knows about... like a movie quote (yeah, that's not an inside joke, eh?), laughing at your own jokes again... awesome. Makes fun of people at a public event...trying to be funny, except it's actually totally offensive and wait WHAT did he just say about pregnant girls? Yeah, that guy.
Now I usually Stop at 10, but I have a few more...
11) People who hate on Jersey dwellers because they actually BELIEVE "The Jersey Shore" is a realistic portrayal of EVERY HUMAN BEING the lives in NJ.
You don't suck, you're an idiot.
12) Facebook Promoter Person... (Me)
I can't even remotely count how many USELESS events and pages I've been invited to, but I have to admit, I remember names/places/parties because I see so notifications everyday.... so maybe, it works like a billboard. You don't want to see it, but you pass it everyday and it just gets IN YOU BRAIN. Either way, it's still annoying because... who gives a shit about your mom's pottery page?
13) Asshole who's famous for... being an asshole-
People like Spencer Pratt... Kayne West... need a swift kick to the jaw. See what I just did there, Taylor Swift? There's so many more, but I really don't feel like thinking about these people, ever.
14) I-can't-get-to-the-point (in under an hour)- storyteller-
I absolutely stopped listening 10 minutes ago. Yes, I'll nod my head until I'm blue in the face, but have NO IDEA what you are taking about. Great story!
15) Peppy Morning PERSON-
Hiiieee, HOW ARE YA TODAY- HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND- I LOVE THAT JACKET... WANNA HUG? AND EXERCISE on RAINBOWS or RIDE UNICORNS at 8am? I sincerely hate your guts until my third coffee, but thanks for the uncomfortable hug.
The end.... for now. ;) Find what's going viral at: https://www.facebook.com/SocialMediaNewsroom.
Please feel free to add your comments on 'who sucks'! Also, be sure to know that this is not intended to insult or offend anyone. It's for fun or a good laugh at yourself. My tone is meant to be playful and I am so guilty of many of these everyday mishaps! If you feel the need to rant over this blog post, you can go ahead an add yourself to the list of people that suck. No one likes an overly sensitive social media reader.... there's a big world out there with tons of information, offensive people and places to rant. Go hang out there. Buhbye. To all the others, hope you had a good chuckle! Have a good one. :)
